One of my responsibilities at Velotech was to crank out unique product descriptions for their three e-commerce websites. Here are three examples from three different sites. Note that the voice of Cyclocross.com is intended to be the wildest and Bike Tires Direct the most straightforward.
Park Tools DAG 2.2 for Cyclocross.com
If cyclocross drivetrains were a buddy cop film starring Mel Gibson and Danny Glover, the rear derailleur would be the loose cannon wildman Martin Riggs and the Park DAG-2.2 would be Roger Murtaugh – tough, no-nonsense, and constantly saving Riggs's ass.
The Park DAG-2.2 is designed to save your rear derailleur hanger from the abuse of cyclocross racing and keep your rear shifting accurate and dialed.
Park upgraded the inner shaft for added strength and tighter tolerances over the venerable DAG-2. The new guide has improved clearance and reach to fit more frame and hanger combos, including low-clearance thru-axle derailleur hangers. But it still does its two jobs perfectly: it measures derailleur hangers for accuracy, then acts as a pry bar to straighten a misaligned hanger until it measures perfectly.
Adjusts to fit 20” to 29+” wheels. Made from heavy-gauge, chrome-plated steel with an upgraded inner shaft for added strength. Replaceable threaded tip. Tighter tolerances over DAG-2.
Ass Savers Original for Western Bikeworks
Keep the skid marks on the street.
If you've ever ridden a bike in the wet without fenders, you know the problem: your chamois starts to feel like a wet diaper and you want to cry like a baby. Ass Savers Original foldable mud guard keeps the tears at bay by providing coverage for your most precious asset: your butt.
The Ass Saver snaps into place into the seat rails of almost any saddle and stays put to guard against road spray. You can snap the ass saver off just as quickly or, even better, fold it under your saddle when not in use. See this installation video from Ass Savers.
Silca Locking Presta Valve Chuck
Silca’s unrivaled locking chuck employs a rotating head and a locking side lever to easily lock onto any Presta valve, from any angle, and hold its seal up to 300 psi. The locking chuck is meticulously constructed in the United States using stainless steel, and it's knurled for good grip in wet or greasy conditions. The chuck uses a high-tech Silca 253 elastomer gasket for excellent sealing and durability.
Adjustable gasket preload for customized fit. Male Schrader threading fits into any Schrader chuck or Silca’s Thread-On Schrader Adapter. 100% US-manufactured. Manufacturer-guaranteed for 25 years